Advent

In the long waiting
Time seems to stretch around us.
Seemingly no end.

Joy lasts forever
but waiting drags dirty feet
Beyond the present.

Guernsey. 1945.

Cold morning dawned over the mirrored sea. There had been no end

to gazing out at blackness, no moon to light the coming

of invaders, no warmth of light to break away the chill.

Eyes searched, bored, from our concrete fortresses.

Secure the islands, we were told. Churchill wants them back,

so buttress, shore up all defences, reinforce the

reinforcement, coerce this once-gentle shoreline to

brace against all comers.  Be ready.

They never came. Instead we, night after week after month,

yearned for our homeland, for beer and sausage; the smiles

of frauleins. Five long years we occupied those ‘dear’ islands,

rocky outcrops adrift mid-Channel.

Morning dawned over the mirrored sea. Soon

our occupation would be over. Starved of all

we needed, liberation would be welcome. Even

for us:  Germans.

Stitches in time

The door yielded gently, catching on the ruffled rug. Memories flew up, dust

dancing in a beam of sun streak.  A patchworked quilt of recollections lay

crumpled on the bed, hues faded. Soft curtains barred the light, muffling thought:

the air, cloaked in kindness, hung soft.

Worn fingers had woven stories in stitches, darns of in and out

throughout the turnaround of time. Creases in her skin spoke of a weft of adventures

athwart the warp of years. Holes in the heft of life, cobbled together by

the innocence of children, made beautiful in gentleness.

Air breathed, dry papery with age. Needles, thread, scissors

Beckoned on the dresser. Neglected rag bag nestled next to embroidery silks

spilling joyously from their box. An invitation: past to present, skill to artist’s

heart.

Silence smiled, remembering.

School games

I hurtle, unwilling ball hit with the racquet of contempt. Flying helplessly

towards the past, overtaken by small unkindnesses

I am again a seven year old. Outcast by the playground wall, eying up

confidence with curiosity. Perfect pigtails take wing

in rounds of merriment,

jeers and joking, laughter and lies, merry misery of games without fun

and I play alone. Who talks of the ‘innocence of children’?

Such who do suffer false memory, yet I KNOW.  Set up for mockery,

 humiliation of a tender heart;

wishing invisibility, edging slowly towards cold haven classroom,

I am halted by the sound of my name. She tosses dark hair from honest eyes.

“Would you like one?” Cautiously, I accept a lifetime of friendship.

Memories

Unlocking the treasure chest of yesteryear,
Initially, distance creates fondness, the patchwork lying below
indistinct, colours blending happily. Landscape of the mind breathes
with the contentment of time, viewed hazily through a cheerful heart. But then, the Jump
back into the past. Emotions plummet, skydiving towards the mess of memories.

The door yielded gently, catching on the ruffled rug of memory. A
patchworked quilt of recollections lay crumpled on the bed,
hues faded with time. Soft curtains barred the light, muffling thought:
the air, cloaked in kindness, hung soft.

Yet something seemed to stir. Some awful thing lay unmoving,
maleficent, a lacerated fur of innocent creation. Shrieks sparked at dust,
a howling heart left alone among dark conifers. Innocence wept in loss.

“Hush, child of my heart,” came the whisper, “you were not deserted.
Rescue has come: do you not perceive it?” Time had trickled onwards,
tender oil healing mercifully, pouring into wounds and healing scars.

But not enough. That cruel cloak still lurked within the closet, waiting
to be used once more in dreadful daylight. What I longed for
was annihilation of those destructive memories. No awakening. Ever.

False dismay

There are tiny acts of unconscious unkindness
which pierce the sensitive self.
The unwitting exclusions
the snide remarks
the obvious put-downs
all these are noted, absorbed, built into
the corrupt decaying false image
of who I really am.

Such an edifice
can only be taken down
by the Living Water.
The unrelenting love
which may fiercely flood
washing away flimsy defences
or sometimes trickles gently,
eroding the foundations.
as long as I do not build dams or moats to withstand it.

JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW
BECAUSE THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Departure. Again. August 2014. July 2015. December 2015. July 2016

My face aches with tears
shed in sorrow
unshed in bravery, keeping courage up.

My skin is sore with melancholy
tingling with misery
at the very thought of loss of loved ones.

My eyes are gritty with grief
stinging in a wash of tears
bottled up and stored.

My heart.
My heart is rent, pierced, breaking.