Out with the Ark
“Come, on, Janie,” urged the boy, his trademark smile twisting his mouth up to one side. It had always made him attractive, added to soaring eyebrows, long dark eyelashes and the black eyes which set off his dusky features. Almost perfectly handsome. Janie wondered, not for the first time, what he saw in her. She took a deep breath. He’d almost certainly not want to have any more to do with her now.
“I CAN’T, Nick, you know I can’t.”
“Why not? You love me, don’t you?” He grinned again. In the darkness she could see his teeth glinting in the light spilling out through the open door. Janie looked nervously over her shoulder. Was her mother listening?
Nick noticed. “You know what she’ll say. Honestly, Janie, your mum would be lovely if she wasn’t such a dragon with you and your sisters. No one else has to be back home so early. I wouldn’t be going out with you if I didn’t love you, having to get you home by 10. She’s so old-fashioned – pre-Ark, I’d say!”
Despite herself, Janie smiled. Her mum WAS awfully strict. But still…
“Look, she won’t find out. We’ll be careful. I’ve got the condoms already and John said we can use his flat this weekend while he’s away. It’s a great chance.”
Janie hesitated. Nick saw his opportunity. “Janie, you’ve GOT to do this. I’ve said I love you but I won’t know you really love me if you won’t sleep with me. I don’t think I can carry on if you don’t.”
Torn, Janie heaved a sigh. “I just can’t, Nick. It’s just not right.” Her eyes brimmed over, but he took no notice.
“That’s it, then. We’re finished. You’re a complete dodo – virgins are an extinct species, didn’t you know?”
PETSHOP FOR EXTINCT ANIMALS
PETSHOP FOR EXTINCT ANIMALS: proprietor Lou C. Furr read the sign over the door. Laura peered in through the window: it was so grimy that she could barely make out what was inside. There were certainly no cute puppies or furry hamsters in cages to be seen. Nothing for it but to go in.
The place smelt musty – not the usual pet shop smell of bran and sawdust, but something like rotten eggs. Still, she might as well ask. Her mum had been so sad since Bugger, the family Jack Russell, had died. Laura had decided they needed another pet.
“What do you want?” A voice startled her. A tall man, dressed in black suit, appeared through a door at the back. The shop was gloomy but the light coming through the door was so bright it was like looking into a bonfire. Laura blinked.
“Umm – I’m looking for a puppy… or a kitten…” her voice trailed away uncertainly.
“Something young, is it? Have a look, then, see if there’s anything you fancy. Haven’t got much in at the moment.” Now that her eyes had adjusted, Laura could see that the room was lined with cages: most seemed empty, but she went closer. The first cage had a lizard curled up in the corner. As she peered at it, it uncurled, revealing webbed wings sprouting from its back. It waddled towards her.
“Watch out!” Laura jumped back as a shaft of flame shot out of its mouth. She glimpsed rows of sharply pointed teeth.
Shaking, she turned away. “Umm – what else is there?” Then she spotted it. Cute, fluffy and perfect.
“I’d like that chick,” she smiled, suddenly cheered up.
“Sure. You can let it wander round the house: it won’t fly away. Dodos make great pets.”
The Devil Takes His Chance
The atmosphere in Heaven was tense. After eons of subterfuge, the revolt was out in the open.
Satan swaggered before the throne, surrounded by his cohort of rebellious angels. He looked strangely small.
“So,” boomed God, “you want to do it YOUR way, do you?”
“Better than yours,” jeered Lucifer. “Do this, do that – there’s no fun here. Just rules, rules and more rules. And everyone so damned happy all the time. No juicy gossip or baiting some less fortunate being. Not even the odd fight to bet on. It’s all so BORING. We’ve had enough – haven’t we?” He gestured to his minions, cowering uncertainly behind him. Obediently, they hissed in agreement.
High above him, God sighed. Heaven shook like leaves in a breeze. “Well, I can’t stop you. You’re quite free to do what you like. But you can’t stay here.”
“Don’t want to,” retorted the angel, his handsome features now looking quite devilish. “I’ll go down there. Earth.” He pointed to a globe, glowing blue and green, spinning among stars.
“AND,” continued Lucifer, “I want to make stuff as well. Why should you get all the fun – creating all that life?”
It would certainly be good to get rid of this troublemaker. God had an overall plan, but it wouldn’t be pretty in the meantime. Still, Lucifer wouldn’t get it all his own way.
“OK,” replied God. “I’ll let you make two animals. You can create a dragon – and a dodo.”
“Sounds fine. I’ll be off then. See you around, sucker!” The devil and his demons vanished in a small thunderclap, noticed only by heaven’s house mouse.
God grinned. “That’ll curb any power he thinks he might have. Nobody’s going to believe that dragons exist – and the dodo won’t last more than a few centuries!”
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